Part 54: Highway To The Friend Zone

PART 54: HIGHWAY TO THE FRIEND ZONE


I feel so helpless! (Sigh) I shouldn't have brought it up. Just leave me to my misery.

There must be some way to solve your problem.

You think I haven't thought about this? There's nothing I can do.

Have you tried wooing Gheyna?

Wooing? I... don't understand.

Oh geez. We're starting from square one here. Romance her! Show her you love her!



I've serenaded her, and we've talked many times under the moon. But that doesn't matter if I am still an apprentice. Not to her.

Have you tried giving her a gift?

A gift? No, that wouldn't be appropriate. Not before we're married.

I suppose it would be too much to ask if you've bedded her.

No! We've never done anything like that! Never!

You've never even kissed?



Of course not! I'm not even bonded yet. I've never kissed anyone, not like that.

That happens to be very important, Cammen.

It is? Nobody tells me anything about that sort of thing.

(Persuade) Maybe it's time someone showed you what you're missing.

Showed me? You mean... with you?

You want to be able to please Gheyna, don't you?

Yes, of course. But... you're not alone...

We're very discreet.

Then let's go somewhere private.



ONE MINUTE AND SEVEN SECONDS OF BIOWARE ROMANCE LATER...



I, uhhh... never thought that was possible...

Me neither. I barely touched you. You're welcome, by the way.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I... I need to be away from you.



I hope it's proud of itself.

What can I say? I like elves.

Now shall we tell his beloved the good news?

Oh... yeah. I don't suppose any of you... actually, I'd better tell her.





Andaran atish'an, outsider.

You are Gheyna, correct? Cammen mentioned you.

You... spoke to him? What did he say?

Well, not so much 'say'. He shouted your name while we made love, that's all.

And then it cried and cried and cried.



You... what?

Don't worry. It was nothing, really. Almost nothing.

It does get very cold in the forest.

You... you're telling the truth... he actually...



*WHACK*

Cammen! How dare you!

What? But--but Gheyna--

You know exactly what I mean! You... you-- With her!

But... I did it for you...

Oooh. Yeeeeeah. Never say that.

Do you take me for some kind of fool?! How dare you do this to me!



But I love you, Gheyna! I just meant to--

No! You will never have me, Cammen. Never! Don't you ever talk to me again!

Gheyna!



Oops.







Andaran atish'an, outsider.

You are Gheyna, correct? Cammen mentioned you.

You... spoke to him? What did he say?

He said that you were cruel and he hates you.





He... hates me? Are you certain?

(Persuade) (Lie) He said that you weren't worth his time anyway.

Not... worth his time?! Why, that--that bare-skinned calf! I'll give him a reason to hate me!



*WHACK*

Cammen! How dare you!

What? But--but Gheyna--

Don't start with your excuses! I already know what you've been saying! Did you really think I was so simple?

Please, let me explain, Gheyna!

No! You will never have me, Cammen. Never! Don't you ever talk to me again!

Gheyna!



Oops.



She's gone now. Lost to me forever...

Ah well. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Gheyna is the only unmarried woman over the age of 5 in the entire camp.

Ah well. Plenty more fish in other seas.

Here. Take this. I was going to give it to her for our bonding. But now... I don't even want to see it.

Please, just... leave me be.



So what was the point of all that?

I dunno. But we did get a free book out of it.

Another successful mission for the romance team.





Andaran atish'an, outsider.

You are Gheyna, correct? Cammen mentioned you.

You... spoke to him? What did he say?

He said that if he was lucky, he would bed you soon.

He didn't. Cammen would never say such a thing!

How many times are we going to do this?

No, wait! I can still salvage it!

He meant after you were married. But you refused him.



Oh. I don't expect an outsider to understand out ways, but... I just can't bond with Cammen.

He's been a hunter apprentice for over two years now and he's yet to slay a proper beast. Each time he's tried, something has gone wrong.

Perhaps the Creators do not wish us to bond. I cannot bond with an apprentice hunter, can I?

(Persuade) If you love him, it doesn't matter what he is, does it?

But... what if he never becomes a proper hunter? What will become of our family?

(Persuade) Why does everything depend on him?



You are right. As a woman. I must ensure that he believes in himself. All I've done is make him miserable!

Wait, that wasn't what I-- actually, I don't care anymore.

l know I cannot be like you, both woman and Grey Warden. But I can be formidable in my own small way, can't I?

Ma serannas--thank you. You have helped me put this into perspective. I will go and speak to Cammen.



Cammen, I have been a fool.

Gheyna? What do you mean? H--have you changed your mind?

I have. The outsider has helped me to see that I was wrong. I have made you miserable and I should not have.

But what about my hunt?

I don't care about that. I know you will pass your hunt in time and we will be happy, us and our children.

Thank you, Gheyna. You've made me a happy man. I feel blessed by the gods today.



*smooch*



We are both very grateful for the part you've played in bringing us together.

How marvelous you are! I am so happy!

Does anyone else feel the urge to vomit? No? ‘Tis just me?

I am physically incapable of it, but the sentiment is mutual.

Here... take this. It's been in my family for a very long time, but... I hope it plays some part in your battle against the darkspawn. It's the very least we could do.

It really was.



Hey, you can never have too many books.

['The Tale of Iloren' unlocks a new codex entry (see the bottom of this post). It will also come in handy for completing a future quest.]



[The other effect of helping bring those two crazy lovebirds together is that it makes the Dalish like us more. There's a hidden 'approval' rating that we can boost by doing sidequests around the camp. It gives the NPCs in the area friendlier dialogue, but doesn't really have much effect on gameplay.]





Who comes--?!

Oh, I beg your pardon, stranger. I was so busy attending to the halla I did not hear your approach.

Who are you?

My name is Elora. I am the master herder, in charge of caring for the halla. Not as exciting as being a Grey Warden, but the halla are vital to us.

What is a halla?



They are the noble beasts that pull out aravel--what humans call "landships.' They are our companions and our guides.

Landships?

Our magnificent caravans. Uniquely patterned in accord with each clan's history, they provide community and protection to the Dalish peoples.

They must be a hell of a sight.

Oh they are. They're berthed just...um... behind that hill. Or maybe that one.

We're never going to see them, are we?

Not in this game! There's just the halla.

We have nothing similar in Orzammar. Except the bronto.



I have heard of the bronto. They are beasts of burden, yes? The halla are not like that.

We ride the halla, but never with reins or a saddle. It is the halla who decide where to lead us, and our privilege that they take our aravel with them.

In return, it's the herders job to speak to the halla and care for their needs. It is a bond of friendship and not servitude.

Sounds like me and Barkley. Except not as cool, obviously.



So why have you seperated this one from the others?



I fear she may have been bitten during the werewolf attack. I have tried speaking with her, but she is too agitated for me to understand.

The curse would not affect her as it would us, but it would still be lethal. And it may prove contagious to the other halla, as well.

I can find no wound on her, but if she's truly ill then... (Sigh) then I will have to put her out of her misery. For her sake as well as that of the others.

Is there anything I can do to help?

I don't know. Do you have any skills that might help her? If you do. I would be grateful.

Kid, you're in luck.

I am?

If you're having animal trouble, we can help.

Because we are the greatest veterinarians in all of Ferelden...



...and we're gonna teach you how to talk to animals.

[We can complete the quest by persuading Elora to euthanize the poor halla, and we even get a neat amulet as a reward for doing so, but we don't want to see the nice deer thing get killed, do we?

Clearing this quest the *best* way and saving the halla requires any party member to have two ranks in the Survival skill, one of the very few times non-persuasion skill checks show up in Dragon Age. Fortunately, Sten is a survivalist.]

(Survival) (Try to calm the halla.) Sten, do your thing.

Be calm, beast. I DEMAND IT.



Yes... that's it. She's calming down! That's it, love. Be calm. Tell me what troubles you...



Ah, I see. It is her life-mate who is sick, not her. He was bitten on the leg during the attack and she fears greatly for him.

I did not realize another halla was injured. This will allow me to prevent the sickness from spreading to the entire herd.

Ma serannas--thank you. You have done my clan a great boon this day. I will always be grateful for your help.



So, no reward then.

Nope!


NEXT TIME: Where wolves? There wolves.

NEW CODEX CONTENT:
The Tale of Iloren
Aravels